The earnest lover, talkative girl, the crazy cab driver and me (just can't think of an adjective for myself)....

It's Saturday... I was done with my work. A couple more monitorings than required to make up the weekly accomplishment. Spent a few minutes at Ashu's desk and then started off after signing off from the comp at my desk. As only 5 minutes were left to catch the cab went by lift to the parking lot. Little amazed to see my name in the route list of Bannerghatta. Though one can go through Garvebhavi palya to Bannerghatta, it's still unusual routing plan. By the time I found the cab for my place, the earnest lover(Romeo) was at the front seat and the talkative girl was at the back seat. I sat at the right side of the back seat. The cab driver didn't seem happy to see me boarding the cab. Once the cab left company premises the driver increased the FM volume. Some Kannada song was playing. That didn't discourage the girl's enthusiasm to ask questions and keep the conversation live with the Romeo. She asked about Romeo's girl friend and as if he was expecting the question started speaking out all the details, how they proposed, how's she. Though this girl was shouting to make the questions clear to Romeo, the cab driver didn't seem to care. He didn't reduce the volume. I was trying hard not to listen to their conversation. What does a blank SMS mean to you.... For people like Romeo it does mean a lot. Honestly, yaar, I was impressed by the explanation. Blank SMS was to indicate that without Romeo his Juliet was feeling the world to be empty. Damn good, isn't it. Girl asked about the valentine day. Romeo said everyday is valentine day for them and they do exchange some sort of gifts every day. On way to my place we noticed a procession going. That seemed to be something religious and regional the girl asked me. What's it. I explained it's Vishu, malayali people's festival. By hearing this Romeo started explaining about Vishu, because Juliet is a Malayali. After that I got at my place and guided the cab driver the way to reach the next point in order to reach the next drop point. Driver was not very sure of the route and I was also not very sure of the route. I asked him to check with transport and left the cab. Not very interesting... yeah I know. Anyway, if you are my colleague don't ask for the trip sheet in transport.

Fun @work

Those were the days we’re struggling with huge volume of email queries by customers and we’re forced to do OT(overtime). While our Team leader Justus was sharing the plan, Nivedita asked him “Justus, what if we fall sick doing OT?” Justus replied “not a problem we’ll provide you laptops to work on way to hospital.” No more questions rose after that.

I was with Shesh in cafeteria. Though, he don’t drink tea or coffee he used to accompany me in every break. Tea is one thing without which I can’t live (Ravi, my colleague sometimes teases me ‘go yaar have tea it will be over soon and you will die if tea is not available’). I asked him casually “why da Shesh you don’t drink tea?”

Shesh replied “no one in our home drinks tea?”

I said “great yaar, you people are so health conscious!”

Shesh then said “damn, they drink coffee every half an hour.”

Ravi and I were working as agents on floor. I overheard the conversation between Ravi and his TL. Ravi’s TL suggested him “There’s an IJP (Internal Job Posting) out for the post of trainer. Prepare a presentation on the product and apply for it, you’ll surely be selected.”

Ravi replied “ Please prepare the presentation for me, I will think of applying.”

His TL said “Damn, go to hell.” That was the last time he suggested Ravi to apply for any IJP.

Jagannath our colleague do not understand Hindi. Ravi, I and he were in cafeteria. Ravi who used to help Jagannath with tips for jim exercises commented on Jagannath “Abbe thu tho Fauladi (Iron man) dikh raha hai.”

I knew that Jagannath don’t understand Hindi. I replied seriously to Ravi’s comment “Dey, what are you saying? How can you say Jagannath Fauladi. Jagannath, Ravi is using such offensive word and you are keeping quiet.” Noticing the seriousness in my tone, Jagannath really got confused whether Ravi’s comment was compliment for him or humiliation. Ravi was full of laughter. Ravi now started choosing people who don’t know Hindi and calls them Fauladi.

This happened while I was working in another company earlier. We used to provide support through chat. The product we were supporting was a security program. Once a customer (I assume it's a lady) contacted and reported that they were not able to use a photo editing program after they installed our security program. This was known issue, our security program often identified genuine programs as threat and won't let customers use them. I thought it could be one such case. I took remote access of customer's computer. As part of troubleshooting I launched the program and myself being somewhat expert with image editing prgorams, did work little image editing and found it to be working fine. I informed the customer that everything is fine. She asked me to open an image from a particular folder and import images from that folder. I followed her instructrions and everything was still working fine. She kept on insisting me to open few more and in between she was asking my comments on the photos. My manager that was sitting right behind me. I can't say no to customer and there were good chances that our Manager misinterpret it as I sneaking into customer's personal stuff. This went on for a while. This chat interaction was affecting my AHT(Average Handling Time) and on top... giving all the options to think my Manager I'm a threat to the company. She had loads of images and was showing all kinds of photos. Finally my Manager noticed and I had to convince him that the customer was insisting me to check the images. I'm not sure if the customer was drunk or just feeling lonely.

I was sitting at my desk. Though the team assigned to me was changed, I was still sitting at the same place. I overheard the conversation between Rajesh's team members. James was telling that he wen to Delhi. Imran was enquiring.. "Kaun se train se gaya? Kingfisher, Jet airways, indigo..?" No one was ready to believe it.

Imran asked James "Thu kabhi Mumbai gaya hai?"

James said "Nahi"

Imran then said in agitated voice "Kabhi jaana bhi math. Tera haath pair kaat ke bheekh maangne bitadenge".... God, that's so funny. I just forgot my checklist of life's problems. I loved being their team's QE.

We were discussing about employee absenteeism and my fellow Team leader told our Manager, but sir, they bring the medical certificates and there is no choice but to accept they being ill for that day. Our Manager replied, if I bring your death certificate tomorrow, would you agree that you are dead?. Can anybody think of an answer....! 

It's G for Ginger in North

It's my week off and I went to the Dental college near Kengeri to have my teeth fixed for free. While returning, I thought of coming en route Uttarahalli as the stretch has pleasant scenery and free from traffic. After waiting for a while for Bus, boarded a call center cab, a Winger. As we reached BGS hospital, some North Indian students, got in the cab. One of them said, "Yeh WinJar hai na?" Then his friends replied in chorus "haan, yeh WinJar hai". I guess it's not G for Grape, but G for Ginger in North.

Books I read

My recent pick was Jeffrey Archer's 'Paths of Glory'. We all know that Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing were the first to reach the summit of Everest. This book is about George Mallory who probably has reached the summit almost 25 years before Edmun Hillary did, but there is no authentic proof. It's difficult to classify this book a fiction as the characters were once live and real. Great work by Jeffrey Archer, a must read.

I have read so many books. Will have to find time to update this blog with my thoughts over the books I read. Keep checking this page.


The list:
To kill a mocking bird
Silence of the lambs
Shall we Tell the president
Thanthu (SL Bhairappa's kannada novel)
The Five people you meet in heaven

The IJP (Internal Job Posting)

It all started with the announcement of IJP(Internal Job Posting) for the post of Quality Analyst. It’s my goal to become a QA so, I applied. Dinesh was happy with his OT money, incentives so he never did give a thought for any IJPs that were posted in the past. However, after becoming Aux QA for a short period and then becoming an SME, determined to become a QA. It’s not only we, who applied for the post, but Likitha, Sandeep and many others. Being of same tenure as QA and SMEs, Likitha and Sandeep were Strong contenders for this post.

Dinesh always believed that I and he are the most suitable candidates for the post. He feared that Sandeep and Likitha being close to the Manager could get through the interview effortlessly and on the other hand we being not so close to Manager may never make it. As we were discussing it, I casually said ‘let’s take help of some goondas to threaten the Manager so he selects us.’ Suddenly something struck Dinesh’s mind. How about doing it the other way? I could not understand. He then explained, we will call Manager through someone and threaten him on behalf of Sandeep and Likitha. Dinesh knew that our Manager being a localite will not pay any heed for such things. He was damn sure that this is going to work the way he thought. Having received threatening calls on behalf of them he will never consider them even though they clear the interviews.

To work out the plan we approached Mushtaq, proprietor, cook, server (All in one) of Shivaji Nagar’s Bismilla Hotel. Mushtaq initially did not agree to call, but we, profoundly impressed by his Shivaji Nagar accent of Kannada, successful in persuading him; after all, we are his hotel’s regular customers. On Sunday we called our Manager from an STD booth. This is how the conversation went:

Mushtaq first said politely “ Is this Mahesh Reddygaru?”

“Yes, who’s this?” Our Manager said in Kannada.

“I am Sandeep’s brother, I mean he is like my brother. He was telling me that he had applied for a job and was telling it’s very important for him. I request, you please select him.”

Our Manager got angry for having to spend time for a call related to office matters on his off day. He said “If he is interested, tell him to come prepared for the interview and do it in proper way than approaching others to request me to get the post.”

This is exactly what we were looking for. Mushtaq then said in local Kannada mixing a lot of Urdu “ Tu jaantha nahi kis se baath kar raa karke. Main chahana aaj heech tera taang thudwatha hoo. Theek se sun, tu Sandeep aur uske girl friend Likitha ko hi select karna. Nahi tho tera kya hoga main guarantee nahi detha.”

Mahesh Reddy don’t understand Hindi/Urdu. However, from the tone Mushtaq was speaking in, it’s enough for him to make out the meaning. He then said “I am born and brought up in Bangalore, let me see who has the guts to touch me. And, tell Sandeep and his girl friend, better forget they have even applied for the post.”

Mushtaq uttered some abuse and Mahesh Reddy hung up the phone. The real drama started the next day at office.

Sandeep being Manager’s chaheetha (beloved) considered it’s his first of the duties to greet Manager on coming to office. On seeing Sandeep, he smiled back and asked “Hey Sandeep, I didn’t know that you have underworld connections too.”

Not finding relevance of the statement by Manager, confused Sandeep stared at him with a question mark on face. To answer, Manager said “Your brother Mushtaq called yesterday and warned me of the consequences if I don’t take you and your Girl friend Likitha for QE posts.”

Now Sandeep double confused and replied I don’t know any Mushtaq and Likitha is not girl friend but just a colleague Sir. Is something wrong Sir?. Seeing the look on his face and the way he asked this question Mahesh’s temper raised. Don’t act smart Sandeep, I know you are from this city and know a lot of people here. But, that doesn’t mean I will be scared by some XYZ’s call.

Sandeep “Sir, I guess, I should leave now, see you tomorrow”

The writers of this script, I and Dinesh were completely aware what’s gonna happen today, were eagerly waiting for our chance outside Manager’s cabin and seeing the opportunity missing, rushed in and greeted Mahesh, Dinesh at the same time pulled Sandeep back to cabin ensuring Sandeep felt it casual. Seeing the grim face, I asked Mahesh, while Dinesh was taking all care that Sandeep doesn’t miss from the scene, “Sir, it’s the day after week offs and you are looking serious, has something went wrong?”

You people proved me wrong; I thought you all are capable of something, but not this way. Seeing Sandeep silent, Dinesh pinned him “what’s the matter buddy?”

Dinesh, “Mahesh says I threatened him through someone to take me and Likitha for the QE post. Firstly, I am capable of getting this job on my own and secondly, why would I do something on behalf of Likitha. That is nonsense.

Mahesh burst out, “now you have the guts to call me nonsense in front of me.”

Sandeep “er… Sir I…. I….didn’t….”

Dinesh budged in again, “Sandeep, we know you have contacts with Goondas of your area, but you bring them to office and threaten our Manager… not acceptable”

Sandeep started breathing heavily after this “you idiot, what are you saying? Why would I bring goondas to office? Have you all lost your minds?”

Danny (Likitha’s real boyfriend) entered in and Likitha followed him. Likitha….cheerful as always wished all and shrugged eyebrows at Dinesh sensing the grim situation.

Mahesh said “Likitha, I hope you are not involved in taking Mushtaq bhai’s assistance to threaten me.”

Likitha. “Who’s Mushtaq and how do I know him?”

I took my chance to spice up the scenario. Mahesh is saying that someone by name Mushtaq called him yesterday and threatened Mahesh to take Sandeep and you for the QE post. Mahesh says that the caller mentioned you are Sandeep’s girl friend and hence should take you both for the QE post. After saying this I did sense the fire in the eyes of Danny. Revolted Danny shouted at Sandeep, idiot, from when Likitha is your girl friend. To calm Danny Likitha said, Sandeep mustn’t have done so, there’s something wrong.

Danny “great, that proves something really is not as it appears. I trusted you and now you…..” Danny could not speak more. To ensure Sandeep doesn’t provide a convincing answer, Dinesh involved him in a related conversation. That irritated Sandeep. Frustrated, Sandeep shouted “has eveyone here gone mad?”

Mahesh shouted back, you moron get out from my sight or else I will call the security.

So, that’s Dinesh and Rajiv’s version of story. Let me tell you the next part. While everyone was in tense mood, these two idiots were enjoying the situation and it didn’t take much time to sense who’s behind this all, after all Mahesh has been a Manager for years and handled hundreds of teams. He turned at Rajiv and said “Mushtaq called be today morning also. Did you meet him by any chance?”

Suddenly the smile vanished off both Dinesh and Rajiv’s faces. Rest is not very interesting. Dinesh and Rajiv are now out of the company and these days they are found around TV studios. These stupid fellows think this idiotic story a wonderful script for a Tele-film and are hunting for producers. Are you by any chance interested in investing for a Telefilm?

Lastly, I have a request, just don't pass on this link to Sandeep or Likitha, if you do, please take the responsibility of writing obituary for me on the same page here.

- Nagaraj